Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How to have Zero Expectations

It's human nature to want things, to expect the things that we want, and to then be disappointed when we don't get those things. Especially now, it seems that the newest generation feels a mind-boggling sense of entitlement. We feel that we are entitled to easy beauty, limitless fun, fast food, free rewards, unconditional love, and anything our heart desires. But despite what we're taught, those things aren't easy to achieve, and we DON'T automatically deserve good things simply because we perceive ourselves as being better than everyone else.

If you are in the habit of taking for granted the things that you do get, and being upset when you don't get the things you were expecting to get, then you will be MISERABLE. If you're the kind of person who says "my life will be better as soon as I get a better job", or "I will be happy as soon as I get a great girlfriend", or what have you, you are destined for a life that will be one long short-coming.

But I want to focus this topic on women and relationships.

Every time that I've seen a man who was angered or upset at a woman who tests him or isn't "perfect" in some regard, it was apparent to me that he had an expectation of the woman which was not met by her. If you're one of these men, then no matter how perfect your lover seems, she will eventually fail one of your expectations, often by accident or misguided intent, and the relationship will get damaged as a result. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, NOT HERS.

Before I continue, I want to remove some ambiguity. I may say that "I expect respect from women," and that sounds like it goes against my philosophy. But what I really mean is that I DEMAND respect. A demand is different than an expectation. If an expectation is not met, you'll get upset. If a demand is not met, you don't get angry, you simply punish the offending party (for example by removing attention from them). It's OK to make demands of women. But be reasonable, and don't couch expectations within those demands. "Demanding" a blowjob is not what I'm talking about here.

OK, so why would you want to remove expectations? After all, we don't put effort into anything unless it has a payoff. Well, simply put, YOU WILL BE HAPPIER in life. Because whenever anybody does anything for you, it will make you feel good, because you weren't expecting it. And you will never feel bad about not getting something, because you weren't expecting to get it anyway. This may seem like semantics, but believe me, it's a huuuuge mental shift, and one that takes time to make happen.

So how do you go about dropping your expectations? First, you need to be aware of yourself. If you want to have any success in the area of seduction and relationships, before you even begin studying women, you need to study YOURSELF, and to be aware of yourself. You need to learn what activates your emotions, and why. You can then pursue the things that make you feel good, train yourself to feel good as a result of more things, and train yourself to ignore the things that make you feel bad (I don't mean physically ignore; I mean acknowledge it, but let it just pass through your mind without clinging to it). Self-awareness is very important.

Why do we cling to negative emotions? Because in a strange fucked up way, it makes us feel good. Those bad feelings become familiar to us, and we feel comfortable with things that we are familiar with. We begin to identify with those feelings, and we cling to them, for fear that without at least anger and bitterness, there would be absolutely nothing at all. Just look at all the EMO kids out there. They have chosen to identify themselves with negative emotions. And choosing to ditch those negative feelings is both challenging and scary! Because by trying to achieve positive emotions, you are both treading into uncharted territory, and you are letting go off the one thing that makes you feel comfortable. You need to realize this. You have to BE BRAVE.

Second, you have to realize that nobody owes anybody anything. You don't deserve anything by just being you. Your life of suffering doesn't earn you a reward. Just because you pursue a woman relentlessly doesn't mean she owes you sex. Just because you give her a gift doesn't mean she should give you one back. Just because you think of her often and/or love her doesn't mean she in any way should return an equal amount of emotional energy. Everything you do is YOUR CHOICE. If you love a woman, do it because it makes YOU FEEL GOOD, not because you're trying to get something out of her. I love loving women. It makes me feel incredible. We men are logical, and you need to LOGICALLY understand that you are entitled to nothing. And no, this is NOT sad. It is LIBERATING. You have 100% complete control over how you feel. Nobody is in charge of your emotions except for you! You don't need anything from anyone to make you feel good.

It's hard to get to this point. By far the easiest way to achieve it is to have so many women in your life and to have so much fun that you're always getting constant good feelings, before you even have a chance to expect them. After a while, it will become a natural state for you (assuming you're aware of yourself the whole time). If you're an introverted person, or you're a beginner at seduction, or if your idea of a good time is sitting in front of an XBox, then you need to, NEED to, get the fuck out there. You need to start exploring the world. You have to FORCE YOURSELF to enjoy other people, enjoy other things, and enjoy being out. It will most likely at first actually make you more pissed off and you'll want to retreat to the quiet comfort of your bedroom. But keep doing it until you're used to it, and then do it some more until you discover the things that actually DO make you feel good, and then keep doing those things. Just like everything else in life, it's work. But it is so fucking worth it. SOOOO WORTH IT.

Wrap it all up in three bullets:
- Be Aware.
- Be Brave.
- Be Disciplined.

Oh, what a coincidence; those are traits of an Alpha Male.



  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Interesting. So you are saying that in order to have no expectations of people, and therefore to truly make the most of your relationships, one must be a complete individual first (by doing the things that make you happy).
    Many people do not feel like they've found what makes them happy in life, and for some it may take a very long time. What about them? Is it possible to still be searching for happiness and simultaneously have no expectations of others? What if you fully comprehend that you can not rely on women/others to fulfill you completely?

  3. Even if you're looking for your "purpose", you can still be happy where you are now and the people around you. If you're too focused on your future you will miss out on what you have now, and you may also miss obvious opportunities by not being aware in the now.

    I think too a lot of people EXPECT their BF/GF to provide their happiness, as opposed to seeking to make themselves happy then SHARING that with whoever they're with, thereby enriching both of you.

    Simply put, you can continue to explore life without placing expectations on people. And until you've found your mission in life, your mission is to find that mission, by meeting new people, trying new hobbies, taking new classes, and just in general being completely open to every new experience that comes along.